Couples Therapy

 Maintaining intimacy and connection within our relationship is hard, especially when life throws you a curveball or two. You are a couple who were (and still are) deeply in love, and yet now the seemingly small things are starting to pile up and leave you feeling overwhelmed. 

You might catch yourself thinking, why do I feel so lonely and disconnected in your presence? What happened to us? Perhaps you notice you each are growing more emotionally absent. A cycle of disconnection, hurt and reactive responses widens the distance between you. Over time, repetitive behavioral responses between the two of you deepen creating a pattern of automatic responses that lead to further disengagement. Small things can trigger deep wounds and vulnerabilities. Perhaps a hurtful comment, a tone you picked up from your partner, a difficult discussion. In these triggering moments, our natural self-protective defenses come online in an attempt to shield ourselves from further pain.

While individually these protective mechanisms may serve you and have their place in some situations, the problem is that within the context of a meaningful relationship, when you shield yourself you block out more than just the distressing parts. You block out everything-- the joy, the connection, the intimacy. The parts that make an intimate relationship meaningful. You cannot access intimacy without vulnerability with each other. 

Vulnerable, engaged conversations that position the two of you working together to overcome these cycles is possible. Increasing the emotional security within the relationship is possible, and maintaining a positive and attuned connection over time with your spouse is not only possible but likely if you work together and open yourselves to the process.

Together, and with the help of therapy, we can repair the sense of disconnection by sharing our fears and responding with empathy and care to each other. Once you are able to let go of your intense self-protection then you are able to respond with empathy and really engage in an intimate way together.

You will begin to learn the skills of truly seeing and hearing each other. There is a short of magic that takes place when you hold space for your partner. In that stillness, in bearing witness to each other's pains and fears, space begins to unfold for the possibility of something new - hope and renewed intimacy. Increased intimacy and vulnerability, and renewed kindness, trust, and playfulness with each other are all in reach. 

The foundation of my couples' work comes from the modality of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. To learn more about this therapeutic lens and therapy model I use with couples, please visit https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/. 

If this framework resonates with you and your relationship please feel free to reach out and book your free consultation.